Although we all hear stories of the elusive “friendly” divorce, they are a rarity. However, we know that properly navigated, you can end your marriage peacefully if you are willing to do the work.
Accept the Emotions
Emotional pain is the reality of divorce. If you expect otherwise, you are setting yourself up for self-judgment and disappointment. There is a sense of loss, just like losing any other loved one. Except this person is not gone from the world. He or she is still there, sometimes infuriating you at your core. In some senses, dealing with the loss of someone who is still there is more difficult than dealing with the loss of someone you will never see again.
Divorce is traumatic. You may be facing feelings of rejection, anger, resentment, fear, emptiness, or a loss of trust. Whereas these are very understandable emotions, they will also dissipate with time. Accept them, and yet don’t give them more fuel than they deserve. You have a future to focus on.
Train Yourself to See the Business Aspects of Divorce as Separate From the Relationship Part
A divorce requires you to see the dissolution of a marriage through a business dissolution lens. You have assets that need to be divided, children you need to co-parent, perhaps spousal support to negotiate. These are all things that will require a certain amount of level-headedness. Know your legal rights. Knowledge is power. Your Bronx divorce lawyer will help you with that.
As a couple, you may be able to take advantage of mediation or a collaborative divorce. If you can do this, it sets you up for a future of cooperation with your ex-spouse. But even litigated divorces can happen without bitterness. And the courts look more kindly on couples who can navigate this time without resorting to unabated anger and conflict.
The Good of the Children
When a couple has children, the courts’ primary objective is the best interests of the children.
Never talk badly to your children about your partner. The courts will make many decisions based on how well you can navigate co-parenting and dealing with each other without drawing the children into it. It will help if you, as a couple, take that approach from day one.
Custody, visitation, and child support should not be your battlefield. Your children will already be affected by your divorce. Don’t make it more difficult for them by bringing them into the conflict or expecting them to choose sides.
There was a “you” as an individual before your marriage. It may have gotten obscured inside your relationship. Divorce means that you will need to find your individual voice again. Depending on the person, this may take much work and time. But it is essential so you can find a way forward. Take advantage of interests that you left aside while you were married. Find a new sense of purpose.
If you can distance yourself from the person who was the victim of a broken relationship to a victor with a future to attend to, it can set up a bright spot on the horizon, even if it seems far away. As they say, sometimes you have to fake it ‘til you make it. Every day becomes easier.
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